thank you

Thank you Lord for equipping me. Thank you Lord for providing me knowledge. Thank you Lord for giving me the stength. Thank you Lord for the patience.

It is not easy to roll out of a warm bed and nurse a screaming baby. But it is easy to remember that not every mother is given this beautiful gift. I truly enjoy feeding my babies. It is our special time to just stare at each other. Even when I am sure that a whole new layer of skin has been removed because my sweet baby girl is learning how to use her new teeth...I am still thankful. These days are flying by and I find myself missing the times when I would nurse and stare at my beautiful son. He is 2 now and no longer takes the time to just cuddle in mommy's arms and stare at her. I miss it. That ache stings and reminds me that even though I'm tired, I am also limited on time that I will nurse. My baby girl is B months and it seems like the days are burning by me. Thank you Lord for every second with my babies. I could never understand fully the love you have for me until I felt the love I have for them.

Psalm 139

Search me, O God, and know my heart;  test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you,  and lead me along the path of everlasting life. This hits me and it hurts. I wonder why sometimes it feels as if I am being tested over and over again...the same test. I realized that God will keep putting the things in front of me that need to be removed from my life. Anger, revenge, spite, lust. Whatever the test may be...I am not passing. God knows what is in my heart, but others may not based on what I actually show them. He doesn't want the real me to be hidden under my ugly flesh. He wants me to show Him to others, not me. He wants me to be offended so that I will stop offending. He wants me to feel anxious, so that I will learn to trust Him.